kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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