I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
