So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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