im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
