So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
