Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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