the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
there is another microwave in the elevator.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
