I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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