I hate your face
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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