I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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