he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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