I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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