it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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