When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
