She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
