Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize