you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
