and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
