did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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