You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
