I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
