Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
