Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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