she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
