one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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