we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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