So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
