Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
