Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We had to coat check the pizza.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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