I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
