I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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