Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
