wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
