I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
