dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
