I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
