Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
