thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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