just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
