thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
