as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
