Porn is love you can see.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
