I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Drake has all the answers
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
