I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
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