Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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