I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize