these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
