Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
