I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
