pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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