maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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