I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
