What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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