I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
he high fived his dick after we had sex
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
