We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize