Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
