A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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