My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
