I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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