Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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