What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
