Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize