he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
