i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
