You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
