I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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