Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
