Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
