I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
