YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
