And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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