we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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