There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i think i have two assholes
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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