I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
