Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize