nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
