i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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