I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
