Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
