Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
