I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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