Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
