So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
