summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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