Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
