Small penises have feelings too.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
