And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize