I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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