I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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