Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
