Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize