i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
