Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
