once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You left your phone here
Wait...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
