i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Someone came in the potted fern
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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