yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
