Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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