So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
organizing the empties. That sober.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
