You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
