I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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