Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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