guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
