i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
