so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize