apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize