Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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