We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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