We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
