he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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