Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
