there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my being single is dangerous.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
