Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This is my gift to your gina
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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