you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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