She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
