i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
