you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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