I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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