I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize